I feel so insatiable right now looking out in the world.

I experience abundance.

I can see that as long as I've wanted something, it's been present in my life.

Quite literally.

I've had the strange experience of being in a committed relationship and after sharing a lovely evening together the night before, feeling fulfilled and thinking to myself the next morning, "I'd be good if we parted ways." And voila! Just like that — there's an exit.

It's uncanny really.

How much my life seems to be just one long poem where every stanza is deeply and unassumingly symbolic.

My mom's death was no different, but I'll share that poem another time.

Right now, I want to speak more about my hunger. 

I'm fucking starving.

For more liberation.

More truth.

More integrity.

More ease.

More ingenuity.

More joy.

More connection.

More expansion.

More alignment.

More harmony.

When I began my Shamanic practice in 2022, I was simply answering a call that had gone long ignored. It seemed far-fetched, but at the time I was adept at entertaining the Universe and playing a little Russian Roulette. I had already bet on my intuition several times and this one was relatively low risk in comparison to everything else.

That, and my nervous system was still super comfy with a lack of safety. 

Anyways, my point is I didn't really have any expectations. I was just going on a feeling. 

I launched the website and within 24 hours, I had received my first booking. Within, a week, I had two more... one of which was a month-long commitment. 

I rode this first wave for a few months, mostly with a shocked look on my face.

And contrary to many manifestation teachers' opinions, even when expectations crept in later that year as I faced potential financial ruin, opportunity rose to meet it through very little effort on my part. 

I rode that second wave for about a year.

Then, I started to feel a shift. It was subtle... very subtle, but the tide was changing. I laugh now thinking about where I was mentally just three months prior — thinking that this was it. This is the iteration... the expression that Spirit placed on my heart to live out the rest of my life. Haha! The comedy of it all. But truly, that's how I felt mid-2023 and you could not have convinced me otherwise.

Now, three years later, I have no idea what's next. I am the emptiest vessel I have ever been.

There is no thing, no identity, no career path, on the horizon. I am an empty shell floating on a vast ocean. No waves in sight.

But I am hungry.

Starving actually.

Like a hungry little goblin.

Nom nom nom.